The crying cricket bat

Actors say you should never work with two things: children and animals.  Well, in my experience, the same goes for taxi driving. Animals are a pest in taxis, they either defecate on the seat or leave hair all over the place and you have to clean it up afterwards.  Children are another story altogether: either they are great or just a pain in the ass.

One afternoon picked up this woman in her thirties with a child about six.  I picked them up in Dickson and they asked to be driven to the city.  The child I immediately assumed was a recalcitrant because he refused to put on his seatbelt even though we were moving.  His mother then ordered him to put on his seatbelt and he started crying, exclaiming that it was uncomfortable.  His mother then said to the boy, “If you don’t put on your seatbelt the taxi driver will get very angry, and you know what happens when people get angry, you get hurt.”

“I don’t care, I’m not putting my seatbelt on.” cried the boy and he continued crying.  At this moment I pulled over, got out, opened the back boot and pulled out a cricket bat.  I opened the boy’s door and asked him “Who’s your favourite cricketer?”

“Michael Clarke” the boy replied.

“I like Michael Clarke too.  He plays a great pull shot doesn’t he?”

“Yes”.  The boy was still crying as he replied.

“Well, if you don’t put your seat belt on and stop crying, I’m going to play a pull shot on your bum and send you all the way back to Dickson.”

With that, the boy stopped crying, put his seatbelt on and waited for me to get back in the cab.  After I put the cricket bat back in the back boot, I winked at the mother and said, “Discipline is free of charge.”