After driving cabs for a while, you learn a few things about people. One thing I've learnt is that no one is tighter than a public servant. Take two examples.
The first example is a lady I picked up from Russell Defence Offices who wanted to go to Fyshwick on a personal errand. I took her there for about $20 and sensing she would need a cab back in a short period of time, I asked her how long she was going to be. She said she was going to be no more than five minutes so I offered to to wait around for her and drop her back. She said. "No, I've spent too much money already, I will catch the bus back." I was a little taken aback and replied "But you'll have to catch two buses and it will take at least an hour and a half." "That's just the way it is, I can't afford it." Now this lady is more than likely on $50,000+ and she is telling me she can't afford it. You see, she probably gets flex time, so she isn't worried about the extra one hour and a half she is off work.
The second example is a guy I picked up from Barton (and I still remember the exact address) wanting to go to the airport. He seemed like a nice guy, and we chatted as we crossed the Kings Avenue Bridge. He explained that he was off to a friend's wedding for the weekend in Brisbane and this friend who was getting married had previously lived in Canberra. I made the obervation to him that there were plenty of graduates who come to Canberra, get their experience up, and then move back to Sydney, Melbourne or Brisbane. He said he would like to do the same but the recruitment freeze was making it more difficult. The fare was approximately $24 and I was expecting him to pay cash. But no, he pulls out his Defence Material Organisation Diners Card and pays with that. This was not a work trip - unfuckinbelievable!!! What a cheat! I really should have noted his details down and sent an email off to the head of Defence Material Organsiation telling them about this fraud. What a tightarse!
When public servants aren't paying the fare and the Government's paying via cabcharge, they couldn't give a shit which direction you take them. They don't even seem to care if they are late for a meeting. You could get a fare from Barton to Woden and take them down the Monaro Highay and they wouldn't care. It is just time out of the office for them.
I really shouldn't knock them too much, as public servants, when I am working day shift, comprise 80% of my fares. But, my God, generally speaking, they are tight!
Sunday 5 August 2012
Sunday 19 February 2012
The disabled and the drug dealer
As a taxi driver, you take everyone - from the millionaire businessman catching a flight at the airport to the pensioner asking you to take them as far as $10 dollars will take them.
There is a young disabled guy I have taken a couple of times in my taxi whom I think suffers from cerebral palsy. He is wheelchair bound and also suffers from a speech impairment and is a little difficult to understand. I often see him sitting outside McDonalds in Woden either singing or sitting alongside a poster which reads something along the lines of "House burnt down. Need help". Now I've picked him up from his house in Forrest a few times and it doesn't appear to have burnt down. Sure, he could have moved their after his old house burnt down, but I have my suspicions about him.
Last time I picked him up he was whinging to me about the fact that he didn't have a girlfriend. He said that girls say they will accept him as a friend on facebook but then they don't. I told him that girls were nothing but trouble and that he needn't worry about. Then he posed me the question, "Why are people so mean?" I responded that sometimes people are mean but he shouldn't worry about it. The life he leads seems pretty depressing, sitting outside Woden McDonalds asking for money can't be all that fulfilling. Maybe he does need a girlfriend. What he could do with her in the bedroom is somewhat limited...as is the conversation so I don't like his chances.
I picked up another guy in Civic over the weekend who was a little bit of a dodgy character. He asked me to do a set fare of $35 to Dunlop, the usual cost would have been $50. Set fares are actually illegal in the ACT, but I agreed because I had already waited half an hour for a fare and it was likely that the next taxi driver would have agreed. He got into the cab and said, "Ï don't want to go home, my Mum is going to yell at me."
"Why?"
"I lost $6,000 and my Mum knows about because she checked my account".
"Did you lose it gambling?"
"No. I went to buy some 2kgs of pot off a guy. He took the $6,000 from me, went inside and I never saw him again. Probably jumped the fence out the back."
"Did you know the guy?"
"Yeah, I've sold to him before. He said he wanted to meet at his mate's house. Mate, I could have made $11,000 from the deals I had set up."
He kept on asking me what he should do. He didn't like me idea of coming clean as that would spell more trouble.
I was a little worried he was going to do a runner on me but he paid. And as he got out of the cab I thought to myself, "Drugs don't pay."
There is a young disabled guy I have taken a couple of times in my taxi whom I think suffers from cerebral palsy. He is wheelchair bound and also suffers from a speech impairment and is a little difficult to understand. I often see him sitting outside McDonalds in Woden either singing or sitting alongside a poster which reads something along the lines of "House burnt down. Need help". Now I've picked him up from his house in Forrest a few times and it doesn't appear to have burnt down. Sure, he could have moved their after his old house burnt down, but I have my suspicions about him.
Last time I picked him up he was whinging to me about the fact that he didn't have a girlfriend. He said that girls say they will accept him as a friend on facebook but then they don't. I told him that girls were nothing but trouble and that he needn't worry about. Then he posed me the question, "Why are people so mean?" I responded that sometimes people are mean but he shouldn't worry about it. The life he leads seems pretty depressing, sitting outside Woden McDonalds asking for money can't be all that fulfilling. Maybe he does need a girlfriend. What he could do with her in the bedroom is somewhat limited...as is the conversation so I don't like his chances.
I picked up another guy in Civic over the weekend who was a little bit of a dodgy character. He asked me to do a set fare of $35 to Dunlop, the usual cost would have been $50. Set fares are actually illegal in the ACT, but I agreed because I had already waited half an hour for a fare and it was likely that the next taxi driver would have agreed. He got into the cab and said, "Ï don't want to go home, my Mum is going to yell at me."
"Why?"
"I lost $6,000 and my Mum knows about because she checked my account".
"Did you lose it gambling?"
"No. I went to buy some 2kgs of pot off a guy. He took the $6,000 from me, went inside and I never saw him again. Probably jumped the fence out the back."
"Did you know the guy?"
"Yeah, I've sold to him before. He said he wanted to meet at his mate's house. Mate, I could have made $11,000 from the deals I had set up."
He kept on asking me what he should do. He didn't like me idea of coming clean as that would spell more trouble.
I was a little worried he was going to do a runner on me but he paid. And as he got out of the cab I thought to myself, "Drugs don't pay."
Sunday 29 January 2012
Proposals for Canberra taxi industry
Whenever the ACT Government elects to introduce new taxi plates into the ACT, there is uproar from taxi drivers. They say that there are already enough taxis on the roads. In some respects they are right in saying this. During off peak periods in Canberra, you can wait up to 90 minutes before you get another job and it does feel like there are too many taxis on the roads. I have a couple of proposals to rectify this problem and to make the ACT taxi industry more efficient and profitable for those involved.
The first proposal I would make is to allow for the creation of taxis that are only allowed to operate during peak periods. This could be done by taking some of the current taxis off the road and making them peak period only taxis or by limiting the licencing of new taxi plates to the peak periods. These could be a different coloured taxis or have different coloured number plates and they would only be allowed to operate on Friday and Saturday nights and on Monday mornings. Registration fees for taxis are $10,000 a year, so if you charged $2,500 for registration of a peak period taxi and also reduce insurances and base fees for these taxis, it would make them profitable.
The second proposal I would put forward is to expand the ACT taxi subsidy scheme. With the ACT taxi subsidy scheme, pensioners and other disadvantaged people are entitled to half price taxi travel in the ACT. The customer pays half the fare while the Government picks up the other half. The Government should expand this scheme so that those persons without a driver licence in the ACT are entitled to half price travel. ACTION Buses are already heavily subsidised, so I don't see why the Government shouldn't subsidise ACT citizens who don't have a drivers licence. I am no economics expert but this should increase the usage of taxis, particularly during off peak periods and make it more viable.
Another more controversial proposal I would make is to reduce fares during off peak periods. Again, I am no economics expert, but if you reduce taxi fares by one-third to a half during off-peak periods people would be more inclined to use taxis and while taxis would not make the same amount of money by going between point A and point B, they would be busier and waiting periods between jobs would be reduced.
The first proposal I would make is to allow for the creation of taxis that are only allowed to operate during peak periods. This could be done by taking some of the current taxis off the road and making them peak period only taxis or by limiting the licencing of new taxi plates to the peak periods. These could be a different coloured taxis or have different coloured number plates and they would only be allowed to operate on Friday and Saturday nights and on Monday mornings. Registration fees for taxis are $10,000 a year, so if you charged $2,500 for registration of a peak period taxi and also reduce insurances and base fees for these taxis, it would make them profitable.
The second proposal I would put forward is to expand the ACT taxi subsidy scheme. With the ACT taxi subsidy scheme, pensioners and other disadvantaged people are entitled to half price taxi travel in the ACT. The customer pays half the fare while the Government picks up the other half. The Government should expand this scheme so that those persons without a driver licence in the ACT are entitled to half price travel. ACTION Buses are already heavily subsidised, so I don't see why the Government shouldn't subsidise ACT citizens who don't have a drivers licence. I am no economics expert but this should increase the usage of taxis, particularly during off peak periods and make it more viable.
Another more controversial proposal I would make is to reduce fares during off peak periods. Again, I am no economics expert, but if you reduce taxi fares by one-third to a half during off-peak periods people would be more inclined to use taxis and while taxis would not make the same amount of money by going between point A and point B, they would be busier and waiting periods between jobs would be reduced.
Friday 27 January 2012
Canberra taxi drivers
Canberra taxi drivers are an interesting breed. I would say that two thirds of them are foreign born, between the ages of 20 and 40. English would be the second language for almost all of the foreign born taxi drivers. Another 20% would be guys who are older than 50, they have either been taxi drivers for years or are guys bordering on retirement or who are actually retired looking to top up their super with a stress free job. The rest would be Caucasians like myself, looking for a job with steady income or who could not find a job in the public service so had to resort to taxi driving.
Many of the foreign born taxi drivers are from the subcontinent. You know, you've seen the Sikhs with their turbans and their long beards. Taxi drivers like them breed like rabbits in Canberra. While waiting for the next flight to come in from Sydney or Melbourne, these sub-continentals huddle in masses in the taxi underground carpark, exchanging stories about hot women they've had in the car or the three fares they had from the Airport to Gunghalin during the day. The comraderie between them is almost like Australian mateship, they exchange handshakes and hugs when greeting each other and call each other on their mobiles when there are lots of fares on a rank before we get a message on the taxi computer. Above all, they look out for each other. I have tried to join in on their huddles but they almost flatly refuse to talk English so it is difficult to break the mould. The probably also see me as a threat because English is my first language and Canberra is my home city.
I have made friends with one Indian from Punjab called Davinder. He left a good paying job at Coles to become a taxi driver. He was sick of carting heavy fruit and vegetables to and fro so he told his wife he was quitting and becoming a taxi driver. I'm not sure of her reaction but I know she wasn't pleased when he told her he was moving from day driving to night driving. Davinder loves to talk about 'jiggy jiggy' a term I have come to know for sex. He asks where I can get some jiggy jiggy in this town. He was awfully jealous when I told him I was seeing a Korean girl as he would love to jiggy jiggy with an Asian girl.
Not all of the foreign born taxi drivers are from the subcontinent. Another taxi driver I met, Gus, is from South Korea. He works 7 days a week, 12 hours a day and probably makes about $900 a week gross. His wife doesn't speak a word of English despite having lived here for over 20 years. She can't get a job because of her lack of English speaking skills so Gus has to provide for his wife and their two daughters. He says he is a slave to the taxi and dreams of one day becoming a nurse or a bus driver. His licence is on probation as he has one too many speeding fines from being a little over enthusiastic about picking up a fare.
Moving on from taxi drivers themselves, I have noticed from my recent passengers that there has been an influx of Irish 20-somethings to the nation's capital. Some of them have such thick accents I can barely make out what they are saying. They all agree that the Irish economy has gone to the dogs so they have to immigrate in order to find work. So look out for the Irish, they probably steer clear of Irish pubs as they are nothing on the pubs back home. In fact, I took one Irishman today to the Queanbeyan Hotel. He thought that Queanbeyan was a 'mad town'.
Sunday 22 January 2012
Becoming a taxi driver and Oprah or the Queen?
Becoming a taxi driver in the ACT
Becoming a taxi driver in the ACT isn't as easy as it first appears. My uncle and aunt previously owned taxis down in Bateman's Bay and my aunt told me that all she had to do was show up to the cop shop, go for a quick drive to a few well known Bateman's Bay landmarks and that was it. There you go - there's your taxi licence. Things aint that easy in the ACT.
There are essentially six steps to getting your taxi licence in the ACT.
First step: Jockeying
What you do here is sit in the passenger seat of the taxi cab and the taxi driver shows you what he or she does to pick up a passenger and how they go about it. You have to sit with the driver for 8 to 10 hours before they sign off on it. In order to start jockeying you need to find an operator to sponsor you and this is essential before you can complete any of the next steps.
Second step: Five day course at the taxi school
These five days I found very boring but you have to complete the five day course and it costs around $500. The course covers everything from taxi ranks, shortest routes, occupational health and safety, tax for taxi drivers to dealing with blind and other disabled people. There are a number of written tests along the way; the pass mark is 80%. You actually have to study some of the material in order to obtain a pass mark. If you fail you get a second go at the tests on the last day. The course isn't that difficult to pass for someone who has lived in Canberra for at least five years and has a reasonable understanding of English. I often wonder how some of the foreign born taxi drivers pass as there are quite a few taxi drivers out there whose English isn't flash hot.
Third step: Police check
You have to get a police check done which costs around $50. This is apparently put in place to prevent people with previous convictions for rape, violent crime or thievery from obtaining a licence. You do take vulnerable people in your taxi such as teenage girls and old ladies so it is probably best that people with convictions for the above mentioned crimes do not obtain a licence. As I found out, a few speeding fines doesn't really matter.
Fourth step: Medical
While taxi drivers are small business owners with their own ABN, the taxi groups in Canberra still have to pay worker's compensation for their taxi drivers. Hence, you have to complete a medical to ensure that the taxi groups in Canberra are employing reasonably fit and healthy people. The medical is not too invasive, they do take a urine sample and you have to take your shirt off in front off the doctor as they check your lungs and your back for any problems.
Fifth step: Registering a business name and for GST
Taxi drivers are essentially small business owners so therefore they must obtain an ABN and register for GST. This doesn't cost anything and unlike the police check, it just takes a few business days before you receive notification that you are registered.
Sixth step: Practical driving test
You must provide evidence that you have completed the medical, have an ABN and registered for GST and completed the police check before you can book to do the practical driving test. You are given 30 locations around Canberra during the five day course which you must memorise and know the shortest routes between each of them. Some of them are easy like the High Court but some of them are harder like the Pinnacle Apartments in Kingston. On my driving test I went to the Jindalee Nursing Home, the Brumbies Club in Griffith, the front gates of Manuka Oval and Middle Rank in Parkes. You have to be careful of school zones as if you speed through these zones it is an automatic fail.
After you pass the practical you go to the RTA and provide them with evidence that you have completed every step and then you get a letter from RTA which you take to a Canberra Connect office to get your photo taken and put on a taxi licence. After that you go in uniform to the taxi office in Fyshwick to obtain your pin so you can log in to the taxi booking system.
And with that, you are ready to start driving.
Oprah or the Queen?
I was waiting a Manuka rank at 1.30am in morning on a Tuesday night wondering who would want a taxi at this hour. Fortunately for me, a couple of young fellas, one of African descent and one of Caucasian descent got into my taxi and asked to be taken to Red Hill. I was exactly happy because it was only going to be a $10 fare. As we headed up Flinders Way I was asked by the Caucasian whether I would rather sleep with Oprah or the Queen. I responded that I would rather sleep with Oprah as apparently black women are great in bed. Both fellas laughed. The Caucasian said that surely I would rather bed the Queen, it's the Queen for God sake. I responded that she was far to old and that Oprah probably had some sexual energy left in her. He continued to protest that it was the Queen and with all her majesty and wealth, surely I would rather sleep with her. Even as he got out of the taxi, he was still going on about the Queen.
Becoming a taxi driver in the ACT isn't as easy as it first appears. My uncle and aunt previously owned taxis down in Bateman's Bay and my aunt told me that all she had to do was show up to the cop shop, go for a quick drive to a few well known Bateman's Bay landmarks and that was it. There you go - there's your taxi licence. Things aint that easy in the ACT.
There are essentially six steps to getting your taxi licence in the ACT.
First step: Jockeying
What you do here is sit in the passenger seat of the taxi cab and the taxi driver shows you what he or she does to pick up a passenger and how they go about it. You have to sit with the driver for 8 to 10 hours before they sign off on it. In order to start jockeying you need to find an operator to sponsor you and this is essential before you can complete any of the next steps.
Second step: Five day course at the taxi school
These five days I found very boring but you have to complete the five day course and it costs around $500. The course covers everything from taxi ranks, shortest routes, occupational health and safety, tax for taxi drivers to dealing with blind and other disabled people. There are a number of written tests along the way; the pass mark is 80%. You actually have to study some of the material in order to obtain a pass mark. If you fail you get a second go at the tests on the last day. The course isn't that difficult to pass for someone who has lived in Canberra for at least five years and has a reasonable understanding of English. I often wonder how some of the foreign born taxi drivers pass as there are quite a few taxi drivers out there whose English isn't flash hot.
Third step: Police check
You have to get a police check done which costs around $50. This is apparently put in place to prevent people with previous convictions for rape, violent crime or thievery from obtaining a licence. You do take vulnerable people in your taxi such as teenage girls and old ladies so it is probably best that people with convictions for the above mentioned crimes do not obtain a licence. As I found out, a few speeding fines doesn't really matter.
Fourth step: Medical
While taxi drivers are small business owners with their own ABN, the taxi groups in Canberra still have to pay worker's compensation for their taxi drivers. Hence, you have to complete a medical to ensure that the taxi groups in Canberra are employing reasonably fit and healthy people. The medical is not too invasive, they do take a urine sample and you have to take your shirt off in front off the doctor as they check your lungs and your back for any problems.
Fifth step: Registering a business name and for GST
Taxi drivers are essentially small business owners so therefore they must obtain an ABN and register for GST. This doesn't cost anything and unlike the police check, it just takes a few business days before you receive notification that you are registered.
Sixth step: Practical driving test
You must provide evidence that you have completed the medical, have an ABN and registered for GST and completed the police check before you can book to do the practical driving test. You are given 30 locations around Canberra during the five day course which you must memorise and know the shortest routes between each of them. Some of them are easy like the High Court but some of them are harder like the Pinnacle Apartments in Kingston. On my driving test I went to the Jindalee Nursing Home, the Brumbies Club in Griffith, the front gates of Manuka Oval and Middle Rank in Parkes. You have to be careful of school zones as if you speed through these zones it is an automatic fail.
After you pass the practical you go to the RTA and provide them with evidence that you have completed every step and then you get a letter from RTA which you take to a Canberra Connect office to get your photo taken and put on a taxi licence. After that you go in uniform to the taxi office in Fyshwick to obtain your pin so you can log in to the taxi booking system.
And with that, you are ready to start driving.
Oprah or the Queen?
I was waiting a Manuka rank at 1.30am in morning on a Tuesday night wondering who would want a taxi at this hour. Fortunately for me, a couple of young fellas, one of African descent and one of Caucasian descent got into my taxi and asked to be taken to Red Hill. I was exactly happy because it was only going to be a $10 fare. As we headed up Flinders Way I was asked by the Caucasian whether I would rather sleep with Oprah or the Queen. I responded that I would rather sleep with Oprah as apparently black women are great in bed. Both fellas laughed. The Caucasian said that surely I would rather bed the Queen, it's the Queen for God sake. I responded that she was far to old and that Oprah probably had some sexual energy left in her. He continued to protest that it was the Queen and with all her majesty and wealth, surely I would rather sleep with her. Even as he got out of the taxi, he was still going on about the Queen.
Thursday 19 January 2012
Julia doesn't shave her box
After dropping off a middle age lady to the old Olims Hotel on Ainslie Avenue who was in Canberra for a bridge tournament, I got a message on the taxi computer that there were five taxis needed at the National Convention Centre. I figured I could get there before all five showed up so sped on over there. The night was mild, unlike most we've had in Canberra this year and fortunately for me there were still people waiting for taxis when I got there. Four people walked quickly towards my taxi - an attractive blonde in her late twenties and three non descript males around the same age. From their conversation about AMP and the share market I guessed they were financiers or from the financial industry. They were quite chatty, probably induced by a couple of champagnes that they had after the conference. As we crossed Kings Avenue bridge, an amusing exchange took place between one of the males, whom I'll call Steve, and the attractive blonde.
Blonde: I know you don't aree with Julia's [Gillard's] policies Steve.
Steve: It's not that I don't agree with her policies. She doesn't shave her box!
Blonde: Women don't shave, they wax, or at least I do.
[I could feel the men sitting next to her getting slightly aroused at the thought of this blonde's naked naughtie]
Steve: Well, she doesn't shave or wax.
Blonde: And Steve, my beautician sometimes pours wax where it shouldn't go.
[Too much information! Ouch. The thought of hot wax on the end of my pecker makes me squirm.]
There are a few points about this exchange. Obviously Steve prefers a naked box to a natural one, but who really cares whether Julia Gillard shaves or waxes her box? I am not sure whether it really impacts on the running of the country. I can't see a headline in the Sydney Morning Herald exclaiming: Julia shaves box, new streamlined policies ahead. And for mine, I prefer a little bit of hair down there anyway; a nice map of tasmania or a landing strip. Naked just reminds me of a little prepubescent girl. It also reminds me of an amusing response I heard given from one female to her boyfriend after he asked her to shave it. It went along the lines of 'You shave first, and then I will.' Nice response. The thought of having pubes removed from my sack makes me extremely scared - I would rather have a brown snake in front of me.
Next time: Becoming a taxi driver
Blonde: I know you don't aree with Julia's [Gillard's] policies Steve.
Steve: It's not that I don't agree with her policies. She doesn't shave her box!
Blonde: Women don't shave, they wax, or at least I do.
[I could feel the men sitting next to her getting slightly aroused at the thought of this blonde's naked naughtie]
Steve: Well, she doesn't shave or wax.
Blonde: And Steve, my beautician sometimes pours wax where it shouldn't go.
[Too much information! Ouch. The thought of hot wax on the end of my pecker makes me squirm.]
There are a few points about this exchange. Obviously Steve prefers a naked box to a natural one, but who really cares whether Julia Gillard shaves or waxes her box? I am not sure whether it really impacts on the running of the country. I can't see a headline in the Sydney Morning Herald exclaiming: Julia shaves box, new streamlined policies ahead. And for mine, I prefer a little bit of hair down there anyway; a nice map of tasmania or a landing strip. Naked just reminds me of a little prepubescent girl. It also reminds me of an amusing response I heard given from one female to her boyfriend after he asked her to shave it. It went along the lines of 'You shave first, and then I will.' Nice response. The thought of having pubes removed from my sack makes me extremely scared - I would rather have a brown snake in front of me.
Next time: Becoming a taxi driver
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