Meet Steve. He's 5 foot 9, thin build, blonde curly hair and regularly drives TX13. He refuses to eat junk food, preferring water, fruit and sushi rolls to my diet of hamburgers and chocolate milkshakes. Unlike me, he exercises regularly and has given away his old habits of smoking marijuana and tobacco. He's from Adelaide and moved to Canberra because he thought, either correctly or incorrectly, that there would be more taxi work in Canberra. We are pretty good mates, I don't have his mobile yet, but we are always chatting on the city and airport ranks. He loves his GPS, I often joke that he even uses it when he gets a job from Parliament House to the Airport. He has a "take no prisoners" attitude to taxi driving. Swear at him and you're out the door. Give him a hard time about being a taxi driver and you're out the door. One time he picked up some 70-odd year olds from Ainslie Football Club who wanted to go to the Quality Hotel in Dickson. Being new to Canberra, Steve used his GPS and the passengers gave him a hard time about using it. They also joked that once his taxi shift was over he was heading to his pizza delivery job. And you know what, he pulled over on Majura Avenue and told them to get out. They told him he was being a bit sensitive but he still left them there to face a walk back to the Quality Hotel on a chilly Canberra night.
Steve has relayed a couple of stories at the ranks that have had me in stitches.
The first was from his time back as a taxi driver in Adelaide. Steve picked up a stunning blonde in black leather pants from town who wanted to go out to the suburbs. She was drunk, almost beyond drunk, halfway to paralytic. She whinged about being rejected by a guy then wand down the window and vomited, getting most of it on the outside of the taxi. Steve pulled over into a nearby servo and told her that if she cleaned it up she wouldn't have to pay the soiling fee. Steve gave her little chance of being able clean it up so went inside to grab some paper towels. When he returned he found her kneeling on the outside of the taxi, trying to get the vomit off the taxi with two fingers. Steve said it looked as if she was trying to fingerpaint with her own vomit! Needless to say he cleaned it up and drove her home.
The other story is from his time in Canberra. Steve picked up a male and a female from the city who asked to be driven to Belconnen and Gunghalin, respectively. Steve was happy because it was going to be a $70 fare. As they drove along, the conversation between to male and female started to get interesting.
Male: So, where did I meet you tonight?
Female: Nowhere.
Male: No, you were at the Moose and North Bar.
Female: Maybe I was but I didn't see you.
Male: Would you like to come back to my place? I've got stuff to make cocktails.
Female: Not interested, I want to go to bed.
Male: You think I'm cute, right?
Female: Not really, but you look better than my arse.
Steve was thinking here that the male would give up, but he was unrelenting.
Male: Would you like to have coffee tomorrow?
Female: No, sorry, I've got stuff to do.
Male: Maybe I could help you with that stuff?
Female: No thanks. Look mate, I have bipolar and you're testing me. I could go off at anytime.
Male: Oh, that's alright. I am pretty understanding. Maybe you would like to see a movie sometime?
Female: I've got plenty of friends to see movies with, I'm a lesbian anyway.
And I know what you're thinking, surely this guy would give up! But he doesn't.
Male: So, you're a lesbian. I bet you would like to know what it is like with a guy?
Female: If I wanted cock, I would make sure it was better than yours. Sorry, I'm not interested.
Finally the guy gave up. So they dropped the girl off and commenced driving towards Belconnen. The male then asked Steve if he could smoke in the taxi. Steve declined. The male asked again. Steve declined. They kept driving for two minutes before the male announced. "Mate, I'll pay you $50 if you let me smoke in your taxi." Steve thought for a moment and then put his hand out. The male put $50 in it and Steve let him have a smoke as he drove to Belconnen.
Friday, 5 April 2013
Saturday, 23 March 2013
Taxi yarns
It has been a while since I blogged. I could say that I've been busy but you can just put it down to laziness. I was sort of rebooted into blogging again after taking home one of my brother's mates who told me he was reading my blog and enjoyed it. He said it was funny. I think it may be interesting but I don't think it is funny. I'm just not a funny man. If you read my RSVP profile you would think I was as funny as Eddie Murphy but I think I'm actually as funny as John Howard - as funny as a fart in an elevator. Oh dear, internet dating sites. Profiles always promise a Porshe 911 but deliver a Hyundai Excel.
If you haven't heard already there is a taxi driver in a spot of bother after deliberately running down a man in Evatt. You can read the story here: http://au.news.yahoo.com/local/act/a/-/local/16430069/taxi-driver-accused-of-hitting-passenger/ I have little doubt they will find him because they can use GPS reports from the taxi company. He is no doubt up for GBH and possibly even attempted murder.
As we wait for fares at the airport (and, yes, I waited three hours in January) we shoot the breeze to pass the time and tell stories. Here's two of the most interesting stories I've heard.
The first involves a couple of Japanese business men who took a taxi from the airport to the Crowne Plaza in the city. After dropping them off the taxi driver received a message over the data system saying there was a passenger who lost a wallet in a taxi. He had a passenger at the time who happened to be Laurie Oakes and he asked Laurie if there was a wallet in the back seat. There was. The taxi driver checked the wallet - it had Japanese ID and $2000 in it. So the taxi driver dropped Laurie off and drove to the Crowne Plaza, contacted reception and was quickly escorted to a room with the Japanese business men. An interpreter explained the situation. The wallet's owner bowed to the taxi driver and took $200 out of the wallet and gave it to the taxi driver. Cold hard cash says thankyou in anyone's language. Wish that had of been me!
The next story some may find interesting, others may find racist. A taxi driver picked up three males passengers on a Saturday night from Manuka and they asked to go to Civic with a stop off outside the pond near Old Parliament House. The taxi driver was a little confused about the stop off but parked near the fountain. One of the passengers pulled out $50 and asked him to wait there. The three passengers got out, stripped naked, walked over to the pond and started wading in it. Then they directed abuse towards those camping near the Aboriginal embassy, calling them dole bludgers and telling them to get a job. They then put on their clothes, got back in the taxi, and the taxi driver drove them to Civic. The fare came to $25 and the taxi driver went to give them change from the $50 he had already received and they told him not to worry about it. Not only that, they gave him another $100 for his trouble explaining to him that at least he had a job unlike the residents near the Tent embassy.
If you haven't heard already there is a taxi driver in a spot of bother after deliberately running down a man in Evatt. You can read the story here: http://au.news.yahoo.com/local/act/a/-/local/16430069/taxi-driver-accused-of-hitting-passenger/ I have little doubt they will find him because they can use GPS reports from the taxi company. He is no doubt up for GBH and possibly even attempted murder.
As we wait for fares at the airport (and, yes, I waited three hours in January) we shoot the breeze to pass the time and tell stories. Here's two of the most interesting stories I've heard.
The first involves a couple of Japanese business men who took a taxi from the airport to the Crowne Plaza in the city. After dropping them off the taxi driver received a message over the data system saying there was a passenger who lost a wallet in a taxi. He had a passenger at the time who happened to be Laurie Oakes and he asked Laurie if there was a wallet in the back seat. There was. The taxi driver checked the wallet - it had Japanese ID and $2000 in it. So the taxi driver dropped Laurie off and drove to the Crowne Plaza, contacted reception and was quickly escorted to a room with the Japanese business men. An interpreter explained the situation. The wallet's owner bowed to the taxi driver and took $200 out of the wallet and gave it to the taxi driver. Cold hard cash says thankyou in anyone's language. Wish that had of been me!
The next story some may find interesting, others may find racist. A taxi driver picked up three males passengers on a Saturday night from Manuka and they asked to go to Civic with a stop off outside the pond near Old Parliament House. The taxi driver was a little confused about the stop off but parked near the fountain. One of the passengers pulled out $50 and asked him to wait there. The three passengers got out, stripped naked, walked over to the pond and started wading in it. Then they directed abuse towards those camping near the Aboriginal embassy, calling them dole bludgers and telling them to get a job. They then put on their clothes, got back in the taxi, and the taxi driver drove them to Civic. The fare came to $25 and the taxi driver went to give them change from the $50 he had already received and they told him not to worry about it. Not only that, they gave him another $100 for his trouble explaining to him that at least he had a job unlike the residents near the Tent embassy.
Sunday, 5 August 2012
No one's tighter than a public servant
After driving cabs for a while, you learn a few things about people. One thing I've learnt is that no one is tighter than a public servant. Take two examples.
The first example is a lady I picked up from Russell Defence Offices who wanted to go to Fyshwick on a personal errand. I took her there for about $20 and sensing she would need a cab back in a short period of time, I asked her how long she was going to be. She said she was going to be no more than five minutes so I offered to to wait around for her and drop her back. She said. "No, I've spent too much money already, I will catch the bus back." I was a little taken aback and replied "But you'll have to catch two buses and it will take at least an hour and a half." "That's just the way it is, I can't afford it." Now this lady is more than likely on $50,000+ and she is telling me she can't afford it. You see, she probably gets flex time, so she isn't worried about the extra one hour and a half she is off work.
The second example is a guy I picked up from Barton (and I still remember the exact address) wanting to go to the airport. He seemed like a nice guy, and we chatted as we crossed the Kings Avenue Bridge. He explained that he was off to a friend's wedding for the weekend in Brisbane and this friend who was getting married had previously lived in Canberra. I made the obervation to him that there were plenty of graduates who come to Canberra, get their experience up, and then move back to Sydney, Melbourne or Brisbane. He said he would like to do the same but the recruitment freeze was making it more difficult. The fare was approximately $24 and I was expecting him to pay cash. But no, he pulls out his Defence Material Organisation Diners Card and pays with that. This was not a work trip - unfuckinbelievable!!! What a cheat! I really should have noted his details down and sent an email off to the head of Defence Material Organsiation telling them about this fraud. What a tightarse!
When public servants aren't paying the fare and the Government's paying via cabcharge, they couldn't give a shit which direction you take them. They don't even seem to care if they are late for a meeting. You could get a fare from Barton to Woden and take them down the Monaro Highay and they wouldn't care. It is just time out of the office for them.
I really shouldn't knock them too much, as public servants, when I am working day shift, comprise 80% of my fares. But, my God, generally speaking, they are tight!
The first example is a lady I picked up from Russell Defence Offices who wanted to go to Fyshwick on a personal errand. I took her there for about $20 and sensing she would need a cab back in a short period of time, I asked her how long she was going to be. She said she was going to be no more than five minutes so I offered to to wait around for her and drop her back. She said. "No, I've spent too much money already, I will catch the bus back." I was a little taken aback and replied "But you'll have to catch two buses and it will take at least an hour and a half." "That's just the way it is, I can't afford it." Now this lady is more than likely on $50,000+ and she is telling me she can't afford it. You see, she probably gets flex time, so she isn't worried about the extra one hour and a half she is off work.
The second example is a guy I picked up from Barton (and I still remember the exact address) wanting to go to the airport. He seemed like a nice guy, and we chatted as we crossed the Kings Avenue Bridge. He explained that he was off to a friend's wedding for the weekend in Brisbane and this friend who was getting married had previously lived in Canberra. I made the obervation to him that there were plenty of graduates who come to Canberra, get their experience up, and then move back to Sydney, Melbourne or Brisbane. He said he would like to do the same but the recruitment freeze was making it more difficult. The fare was approximately $24 and I was expecting him to pay cash. But no, he pulls out his Defence Material Organisation Diners Card and pays with that. This was not a work trip - unfuckinbelievable!!! What a cheat! I really should have noted his details down and sent an email off to the head of Defence Material Organsiation telling them about this fraud. What a tightarse!
When public servants aren't paying the fare and the Government's paying via cabcharge, they couldn't give a shit which direction you take them. They don't even seem to care if they are late for a meeting. You could get a fare from Barton to Woden and take them down the Monaro Highay and they wouldn't care. It is just time out of the office for them.
I really shouldn't knock them too much, as public servants, when I am working day shift, comprise 80% of my fares. But, my God, generally speaking, they are tight!
Sunday, 19 February 2012
The disabled and the drug dealer
As a taxi driver, you take everyone - from the millionaire businessman catching a flight at the airport to the pensioner asking you to take them as far as $10 dollars will take them.
There is a young disabled guy I have taken a couple of times in my taxi whom I think suffers from cerebral palsy. He is wheelchair bound and also suffers from a speech impairment and is a little difficult to understand. I often see him sitting outside McDonalds in Woden either singing or sitting alongside a poster which reads something along the lines of "House burnt down. Need help". Now I've picked him up from his house in Forrest a few times and it doesn't appear to have burnt down. Sure, he could have moved their after his old house burnt down, but I have my suspicions about him.
Last time I picked him up he was whinging to me about the fact that he didn't have a girlfriend. He said that girls say they will accept him as a friend on facebook but then they don't. I told him that girls were nothing but trouble and that he needn't worry about. Then he posed me the question, "Why are people so mean?" I responded that sometimes people are mean but he shouldn't worry about it. The life he leads seems pretty depressing, sitting outside Woden McDonalds asking for money can't be all that fulfilling. Maybe he does need a girlfriend. What he could do with her in the bedroom is somewhat limited...as is the conversation so I don't like his chances.
I picked up another guy in Civic over the weekend who was a little bit of a dodgy character. He asked me to do a set fare of $35 to Dunlop, the usual cost would have been $50. Set fares are actually illegal in the ACT, but I agreed because I had already waited half an hour for a fare and it was likely that the next taxi driver would have agreed. He got into the cab and said, "Ï don't want to go home, my Mum is going to yell at me."
"Why?"
"I lost $6,000 and my Mum knows about because she checked my account".
"Did you lose it gambling?"
"No. I went to buy some 2kgs of pot off a guy. He took the $6,000 from me, went inside and I never saw him again. Probably jumped the fence out the back."
"Did you know the guy?"
"Yeah, I've sold to him before. He said he wanted to meet at his mate's house. Mate, I could have made $11,000 from the deals I had set up."
He kept on asking me what he should do. He didn't like me idea of coming clean as that would spell more trouble.
I was a little worried he was going to do a runner on me but he paid. And as he got out of the cab I thought to myself, "Drugs don't pay."
There is a young disabled guy I have taken a couple of times in my taxi whom I think suffers from cerebral palsy. He is wheelchair bound and also suffers from a speech impairment and is a little difficult to understand. I often see him sitting outside McDonalds in Woden either singing or sitting alongside a poster which reads something along the lines of "House burnt down. Need help". Now I've picked him up from his house in Forrest a few times and it doesn't appear to have burnt down. Sure, he could have moved their after his old house burnt down, but I have my suspicions about him.
Last time I picked him up he was whinging to me about the fact that he didn't have a girlfriend. He said that girls say they will accept him as a friend on facebook but then they don't. I told him that girls were nothing but trouble and that he needn't worry about. Then he posed me the question, "Why are people so mean?" I responded that sometimes people are mean but he shouldn't worry about it. The life he leads seems pretty depressing, sitting outside Woden McDonalds asking for money can't be all that fulfilling. Maybe he does need a girlfriend. What he could do with her in the bedroom is somewhat limited...as is the conversation so I don't like his chances.
I picked up another guy in Civic over the weekend who was a little bit of a dodgy character. He asked me to do a set fare of $35 to Dunlop, the usual cost would have been $50. Set fares are actually illegal in the ACT, but I agreed because I had already waited half an hour for a fare and it was likely that the next taxi driver would have agreed. He got into the cab and said, "Ï don't want to go home, my Mum is going to yell at me."
"Why?"
"I lost $6,000 and my Mum knows about because she checked my account".
"Did you lose it gambling?"
"No. I went to buy some 2kgs of pot off a guy. He took the $6,000 from me, went inside and I never saw him again. Probably jumped the fence out the back."
"Did you know the guy?"
"Yeah, I've sold to him before. He said he wanted to meet at his mate's house. Mate, I could have made $11,000 from the deals I had set up."
He kept on asking me what he should do. He didn't like me idea of coming clean as that would spell more trouble.
I was a little worried he was going to do a runner on me but he paid. And as he got out of the cab I thought to myself, "Drugs don't pay."
Sunday, 29 January 2012
Proposals for Canberra taxi industry
Whenever the ACT Government elects to introduce new taxi plates into the ACT, there is uproar from taxi drivers. They say that there are already enough taxis on the roads. In some respects they are right in saying this. During off peak periods in Canberra, you can wait up to 90 minutes before you get another job and it does feel like there are too many taxis on the roads. I have a couple of proposals to rectify this problem and to make the ACT taxi industry more efficient and profitable for those involved.
The first proposal I would make is to allow for the creation of taxis that are only allowed to operate during peak periods. This could be done by taking some of the current taxis off the road and making them peak period only taxis or by limiting the licencing of new taxi plates to the peak periods. These could be a different coloured taxis or have different coloured number plates and they would only be allowed to operate on Friday and Saturday nights and on Monday mornings. Registration fees for taxis are $10,000 a year, so if you charged $2,500 for registration of a peak period taxi and also reduce insurances and base fees for these taxis, it would make them profitable.
The second proposal I would put forward is to expand the ACT taxi subsidy scheme. With the ACT taxi subsidy scheme, pensioners and other disadvantaged people are entitled to half price taxi travel in the ACT. The customer pays half the fare while the Government picks up the other half. The Government should expand this scheme so that those persons without a driver licence in the ACT are entitled to half price travel. ACTION Buses are already heavily subsidised, so I don't see why the Government shouldn't subsidise ACT citizens who don't have a drivers licence. I am no economics expert but this should increase the usage of taxis, particularly during off peak periods and make it more viable.
Another more controversial proposal I would make is to reduce fares during off peak periods. Again, I am no economics expert, but if you reduce taxi fares by one-third to a half during off-peak periods people would be more inclined to use taxis and while taxis would not make the same amount of money by going between point A and point B, they would be busier and waiting periods between jobs would be reduced.
The first proposal I would make is to allow for the creation of taxis that are only allowed to operate during peak periods. This could be done by taking some of the current taxis off the road and making them peak period only taxis or by limiting the licencing of new taxi plates to the peak periods. These could be a different coloured taxis or have different coloured number plates and they would only be allowed to operate on Friday and Saturday nights and on Monday mornings. Registration fees for taxis are $10,000 a year, so if you charged $2,500 for registration of a peak period taxi and also reduce insurances and base fees for these taxis, it would make them profitable.
The second proposal I would put forward is to expand the ACT taxi subsidy scheme. With the ACT taxi subsidy scheme, pensioners and other disadvantaged people are entitled to half price taxi travel in the ACT. The customer pays half the fare while the Government picks up the other half. The Government should expand this scheme so that those persons without a driver licence in the ACT are entitled to half price travel. ACTION Buses are already heavily subsidised, so I don't see why the Government shouldn't subsidise ACT citizens who don't have a drivers licence. I am no economics expert but this should increase the usage of taxis, particularly during off peak periods and make it more viable.
Another more controversial proposal I would make is to reduce fares during off peak periods. Again, I am no economics expert, but if you reduce taxi fares by one-third to a half during off-peak periods people would be more inclined to use taxis and while taxis would not make the same amount of money by going between point A and point B, they would be busier and waiting periods between jobs would be reduced.
Friday, 27 January 2012
Canberra taxi drivers
Canberra taxi drivers are an interesting breed. I would say that two thirds of them are foreign born, between the ages of 20 and 40. English would be the second language for almost all of the foreign born taxi drivers. Another 20% would be guys who are older than 50, they have either been taxi drivers for years or are guys bordering on retirement or who are actually retired looking to top up their super with a stress free job. The rest would be Caucasians like myself, looking for a job with steady income or who could not find a job in the public service so had to resort to taxi driving.
Many of the foreign born taxi drivers are from the subcontinent. You know, you've seen the Sikhs with their turbans and their long beards. Taxi drivers like them breed like rabbits in Canberra. While waiting for the next flight to come in from Sydney or Melbourne, these sub-continentals huddle in masses in the taxi underground carpark, exchanging stories about hot women they've had in the car or the three fares they had from the Airport to Gunghalin during the day. The comraderie between them is almost like Australian mateship, they exchange handshakes and hugs when greeting each other and call each other on their mobiles when there are lots of fares on a rank before we get a message on the taxi computer. Above all, they look out for each other. I have tried to join in on their huddles but they almost flatly refuse to talk English so it is difficult to break the mould. The probably also see me as a threat because English is my first language and Canberra is my home city.
I have made friends with one Indian from Punjab called Davinder. He left a good paying job at Coles to become a taxi driver. He was sick of carting heavy fruit and vegetables to and fro so he told his wife he was quitting and becoming a taxi driver. I'm not sure of her reaction but I know she wasn't pleased when he told her he was moving from day driving to night driving. Davinder loves to talk about 'jiggy jiggy' a term I have come to know for sex. He asks where I can get some jiggy jiggy in this town. He was awfully jealous when I told him I was seeing a Korean girl as he would love to jiggy jiggy with an Asian girl.
Not all of the foreign born taxi drivers are from the subcontinent. Another taxi driver I met, Gus, is from South Korea. He works 7 days a week, 12 hours a day and probably makes about $900 a week gross. His wife doesn't speak a word of English despite having lived here for over 20 years. She can't get a job because of her lack of English speaking skills so Gus has to provide for his wife and their two daughters. He says he is a slave to the taxi and dreams of one day becoming a nurse or a bus driver. His licence is on probation as he has one too many speeding fines from being a little over enthusiastic about picking up a fare.
Moving on from taxi drivers themselves, I have noticed from my recent passengers that there has been an influx of Irish 20-somethings to the nation's capital. Some of them have such thick accents I can barely make out what they are saying. They all agree that the Irish economy has gone to the dogs so they have to immigrate in order to find work. So look out for the Irish, they probably steer clear of Irish pubs as they are nothing on the pubs back home. In fact, I took one Irishman today to the Queanbeyan Hotel. He thought that Queanbeyan was a 'mad town'.
Sunday, 22 January 2012
Becoming a taxi driver and Oprah or the Queen?
Becoming a taxi driver in the ACT
Becoming a taxi driver in the ACT isn't as easy as it first appears. My uncle and aunt previously owned taxis down in Bateman's Bay and my aunt told me that all she had to do was show up to the cop shop, go for a quick drive to a few well known Bateman's Bay landmarks and that was it. There you go - there's your taxi licence. Things aint that easy in the ACT.
There are essentially six steps to getting your taxi licence in the ACT.
First step: Jockeying
What you do here is sit in the passenger seat of the taxi cab and the taxi driver shows you what he or she does to pick up a passenger and how they go about it. You have to sit with the driver for 8 to 10 hours before they sign off on it. In order to start jockeying you need to find an operator to sponsor you and this is essential before you can complete any of the next steps.
Second step: Five day course at the taxi school
These five days I found very boring but you have to complete the five day course and it costs around $500. The course covers everything from taxi ranks, shortest routes, occupational health and safety, tax for taxi drivers to dealing with blind and other disabled people. There are a number of written tests along the way; the pass mark is 80%. You actually have to study some of the material in order to obtain a pass mark. If you fail you get a second go at the tests on the last day. The course isn't that difficult to pass for someone who has lived in Canberra for at least five years and has a reasonable understanding of English. I often wonder how some of the foreign born taxi drivers pass as there are quite a few taxi drivers out there whose English isn't flash hot.
Third step: Police check
You have to get a police check done which costs around $50. This is apparently put in place to prevent people with previous convictions for rape, violent crime or thievery from obtaining a licence. You do take vulnerable people in your taxi such as teenage girls and old ladies so it is probably best that people with convictions for the above mentioned crimes do not obtain a licence. As I found out, a few speeding fines doesn't really matter.
Fourth step: Medical
While taxi drivers are small business owners with their own ABN, the taxi groups in Canberra still have to pay worker's compensation for their taxi drivers. Hence, you have to complete a medical to ensure that the taxi groups in Canberra are employing reasonably fit and healthy people. The medical is not too invasive, they do take a urine sample and you have to take your shirt off in front off the doctor as they check your lungs and your back for any problems.
Fifth step: Registering a business name and for GST
Taxi drivers are essentially small business owners so therefore they must obtain an ABN and register for GST. This doesn't cost anything and unlike the police check, it just takes a few business days before you receive notification that you are registered.
Sixth step: Practical driving test
You must provide evidence that you have completed the medical, have an ABN and registered for GST and completed the police check before you can book to do the practical driving test. You are given 30 locations around Canberra during the five day course which you must memorise and know the shortest routes between each of them. Some of them are easy like the High Court but some of them are harder like the Pinnacle Apartments in Kingston. On my driving test I went to the Jindalee Nursing Home, the Brumbies Club in Griffith, the front gates of Manuka Oval and Middle Rank in Parkes. You have to be careful of school zones as if you speed through these zones it is an automatic fail.
After you pass the practical you go to the RTA and provide them with evidence that you have completed every step and then you get a letter from RTA which you take to a Canberra Connect office to get your photo taken and put on a taxi licence. After that you go in uniform to the taxi office in Fyshwick to obtain your pin so you can log in to the taxi booking system.
And with that, you are ready to start driving.
Oprah or the Queen?
I was waiting a Manuka rank at 1.30am in morning on a Tuesday night wondering who would want a taxi at this hour. Fortunately for me, a couple of young fellas, one of African descent and one of Caucasian descent got into my taxi and asked to be taken to Red Hill. I was exactly happy because it was only going to be a $10 fare. As we headed up Flinders Way I was asked by the Caucasian whether I would rather sleep with Oprah or the Queen. I responded that I would rather sleep with Oprah as apparently black women are great in bed. Both fellas laughed. The Caucasian said that surely I would rather bed the Queen, it's the Queen for God sake. I responded that she was far to old and that Oprah probably had some sexual energy left in her. He continued to protest that it was the Queen and with all her majesty and wealth, surely I would rather sleep with her. Even as he got out of the taxi, he was still going on about the Queen.
Becoming a taxi driver in the ACT isn't as easy as it first appears. My uncle and aunt previously owned taxis down in Bateman's Bay and my aunt told me that all she had to do was show up to the cop shop, go for a quick drive to a few well known Bateman's Bay landmarks and that was it. There you go - there's your taxi licence. Things aint that easy in the ACT.
There are essentially six steps to getting your taxi licence in the ACT.
First step: Jockeying
What you do here is sit in the passenger seat of the taxi cab and the taxi driver shows you what he or she does to pick up a passenger and how they go about it. You have to sit with the driver for 8 to 10 hours before they sign off on it. In order to start jockeying you need to find an operator to sponsor you and this is essential before you can complete any of the next steps.
Second step: Five day course at the taxi school
These five days I found very boring but you have to complete the five day course and it costs around $500. The course covers everything from taxi ranks, shortest routes, occupational health and safety, tax for taxi drivers to dealing with blind and other disabled people. There are a number of written tests along the way; the pass mark is 80%. You actually have to study some of the material in order to obtain a pass mark. If you fail you get a second go at the tests on the last day. The course isn't that difficult to pass for someone who has lived in Canberra for at least five years and has a reasonable understanding of English. I often wonder how some of the foreign born taxi drivers pass as there are quite a few taxi drivers out there whose English isn't flash hot.
Third step: Police check
You have to get a police check done which costs around $50. This is apparently put in place to prevent people with previous convictions for rape, violent crime or thievery from obtaining a licence. You do take vulnerable people in your taxi such as teenage girls and old ladies so it is probably best that people with convictions for the above mentioned crimes do not obtain a licence. As I found out, a few speeding fines doesn't really matter.
Fourth step: Medical
While taxi drivers are small business owners with their own ABN, the taxi groups in Canberra still have to pay worker's compensation for their taxi drivers. Hence, you have to complete a medical to ensure that the taxi groups in Canberra are employing reasonably fit and healthy people. The medical is not too invasive, they do take a urine sample and you have to take your shirt off in front off the doctor as they check your lungs and your back for any problems.
Fifth step: Registering a business name and for GST
Taxi drivers are essentially small business owners so therefore they must obtain an ABN and register for GST. This doesn't cost anything and unlike the police check, it just takes a few business days before you receive notification that you are registered.
Sixth step: Practical driving test
You must provide evidence that you have completed the medical, have an ABN and registered for GST and completed the police check before you can book to do the practical driving test. You are given 30 locations around Canberra during the five day course which you must memorise and know the shortest routes between each of them. Some of them are easy like the High Court but some of them are harder like the Pinnacle Apartments in Kingston. On my driving test I went to the Jindalee Nursing Home, the Brumbies Club in Griffith, the front gates of Manuka Oval and Middle Rank in Parkes. You have to be careful of school zones as if you speed through these zones it is an automatic fail.
After you pass the practical you go to the RTA and provide them with evidence that you have completed every step and then you get a letter from RTA which you take to a Canberra Connect office to get your photo taken and put on a taxi licence. After that you go in uniform to the taxi office in Fyshwick to obtain your pin so you can log in to the taxi booking system.
And with that, you are ready to start driving.
Oprah or the Queen?
I was waiting a Manuka rank at 1.30am in morning on a Tuesday night wondering who would want a taxi at this hour. Fortunately for me, a couple of young fellas, one of African descent and one of Caucasian descent got into my taxi and asked to be taken to Red Hill. I was exactly happy because it was only going to be a $10 fare. As we headed up Flinders Way I was asked by the Caucasian whether I would rather sleep with Oprah or the Queen. I responded that I would rather sleep with Oprah as apparently black women are great in bed. Both fellas laughed. The Caucasian said that surely I would rather bed the Queen, it's the Queen for God sake. I responded that she was far to old and that Oprah probably had some sexual energy left in her. He continued to protest that it was the Queen and with all her majesty and wealth, surely I would rather sleep with her. Even as he got out of the taxi, he was still going on about the Queen.
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