Meet Steve. He's 5 foot 9, thin build, blonde curly hair and regularly drives TX13. He refuses to eat junk food, preferring water, fruit and sushi rolls to my diet of hamburgers and chocolate milkshakes. Unlike me, he exercises regularly and has given away his old habits of smoking marijuana and tobacco. He's from Adelaide and moved to Canberra because he thought, either correctly or incorrectly, that there would be more taxi work in Canberra. We are pretty good mates, I don't have his mobile yet, but we are always chatting on the city and airport ranks. He loves his GPS, I often joke that he even uses it when he gets a job from Parliament House to the Airport. He has a "take no prisoners" attitude to taxi driving. Swear at him and you're out the door. Give him a hard time about being a taxi driver and you're out the door. One time he picked up some 70-odd year olds from Ainslie Football Club who wanted to go to the Quality Hotel in Dickson. Being new to Canberra, Steve used his GPS and the passengers gave him a hard time about using it. They also joked that once his taxi shift was over he was heading to his pizza delivery job. And you know what, he pulled over on Majura Avenue and told them to get out. They told him he was being a bit sensitive but he still left them there to face a walk back to the Quality Hotel on a chilly Canberra night.
Steve has relayed a couple of stories at the ranks that have had me in stitches.
The first was from his time back as a taxi driver in Adelaide. Steve picked up a stunning blonde in black leather pants from town who wanted to go out to the suburbs. She was drunk, almost beyond drunk, halfway to paralytic. She whinged about being rejected by a guy then wand down the window and vomited, getting most of it on the outside of the taxi. Steve pulled over into a nearby servo and told her that if she cleaned it up she wouldn't have to pay the soiling fee. Steve gave her little chance of being able clean it up so went inside to grab some paper towels. When he returned he found her kneeling on the outside of the taxi, trying to get the vomit off the taxi with two fingers. Steve said it looked as if she was trying to fingerpaint with her own vomit! Needless to say he cleaned it up and drove her home.
The other story is from his time in Canberra. Steve picked up a male and a female from the city who asked to be driven to Belconnen and Gunghalin, respectively. Steve was happy because it was going to be a $70 fare. As they drove along, the conversation between to male and female started to get interesting.
Male: So, where did I meet you tonight?
Female: Nowhere.
Male: No, you were at the Moose and North Bar.
Female: Maybe I was but I didn't see you.
Male: Would you like to come back to my place? I've got stuff to make cocktails.
Female: Not interested, I want to go to bed.
Male: You think I'm cute, right?
Female: Not really, but you look better than my arse.
Steve was thinking here that the male would give up, but he was unrelenting.
Male: Would you like to have coffee tomorrow?
Female: No, sorry, I've got stuff to do.
Male: Maybe I could help you with that stuff?
Female: No thanks. Look mate, I have bipolar and you're testing me. I could go off at anytime.
Male: Oh, that's alright. I am pretty understanding. Maybe you would like to see a movie sometime?
Female: I've got plenty of friends to see movies with, I'm a lesbian anyway.
And I know what you're thinking, surely this guy would give up! But he doesn't.
Male: So, you're a lesbian. I bet you would like to know what it is like with a guy?
Female: If I wanted cock, I would make sure it was better than yours. Sorry, I'm not interested.
Finally the guy gave up. So they dropped the girl off and commenced driving towards Belconnen. The male then asked Steve if he could smoke in the taxi. Steve declined. The male asked again. Steve declined. They kept driving for two minutes before the male announced. "Mate, I'll pay you $50 if you let me smoke in your taxi." Steve thought for a moment and then put his hand out. The male put $50 in it and Steve let him have a smoke as he drove to Belconnen.
